Everyone has demons.
Some people may quell their disheartening whispers more effectively than others, but everyone has them.
They’re the voices that (for some) say ‘you’re not good enough’ and ‘please put an extra layer of makeup on today, you look especially atrocious this morning.’ They’re the voices (for others) that say ‘why bother applying to that job, you’re not capable’ or ‘you will never amount to anything, so stop trying.’
At some point in my life, I allowed my demons to keep me from doing the things I loved for fear of failure. It wasn’t all at once, but slowly, over a period of time.
I was the girl who got in trouble for reading in class when I was supposed to be listening. And after a while I put books down for fear of not being able to interpret and extrapolate from them what the author intended.
I was the girl who scribbled poetry in book margins, kept a journal from elementary school on, and had a personal blog in college.
Enter Facebook. And photography-related blogging. And quantifying self-worth on the number of ‘likes’ an image or contrived status receives.
Eventually I quit writing for fear of people not liking what they read. Thanks, demons.
I rediscovered that college blog today. The Mason Jar Monologues. There are a lot of things wrong with it, but there is also so much right mixed in that I couldn’t help but smile. It’s nothing spectacular by any means, it’s every white-middle-class-girl-who-doesn’t-actually-know-anything-about-life-but-thinks-she-does fodder, but no one followed it, so I didn’t care what I wrote. It was for me.
So, demons, I’m going to start doing those things I love again. I’ve already rekindled my affection for the printed word via a healthy relationship with a local bookstore here on the Eastern Shore. And this blog post begins the resurrection of my own written words.
So, to demons I say:
Stay happy, y’all. It’s a mindset.